Monday, November 9, 2009

Rough weekend.

Hello friends. I hope that you all had pleasant weekend.

As I am sure you gathered from my post's title, my weekend was a little rough. Beginning Friday night, I fainted 4 times over the weekend and two of the times was while I was laying down in my bed...not good, really, really not good.

I know that bad times come with this illness but no matter how much I "know" they are coming, I am never prepared for the bad time's "arrival". I am constantly reminding myself that this is just bad time and that it too will pass because the bad times always do but in the meantime, I have to wait. And while I am waiting, life is going on. Oh, I am so frustrated.

Another thing is that I feel very distant and far away from God. I don't feel Him. I read once that it is much easier to say when we know God is nearby and it is much tougher to acknowledge when you feel alone. I admit it. Right now, I feel alone. I feel forsaken. I feel like God has turned is back and is busy helping others and has forgotten me. God! Don't forget me! Come back and feel my heart with You! I can't feel You. I can't hear You.

i feel alone. i feel like there is an anchor pulling me away from God and I can't get back to Him. i want to find Him again. i am struggling against a current and i want God to rescue me.

It is for certain, we are going to Washington, DC to see my doctor. My appointment in on November 30. I dread the trip with everything in me. I know how physically difficult the trip will be and after all the effort, I don't know if my appointment will be helpful. Frustration! Pure Frustration!

something tells me i am not forgotten. something tells me i am loved.


quietspirit said...

Dearest Heather:
God tells us he will never leave us or forsake us. His Son tells us he is with us always until the end of the age.

Read Psalm 138:7-8 I found it in the King James Version. That's the version I like to read this passage in.

Yasmin said...

Dear Heather, my heart breaks to read of your struggles - I pray that God will, through His indwelling Spirit, speak to your heart the love He has for you - that you "may have strength to comprehend … what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God."

Please continue to trust God, remembering one of the last things Jesus told us before He ascended to heaven is that He is with us always.

You are in my prayers,


(I used to be YazzyYaz on Polyvore - not sure if you remember, it was so long ago)

Kelly said...

Heather, I'm so sorry you're not doing well. But, on the bright side, hopefully we can meet up in D.C. this time! We'll talk about the details closer to the date. Praying for you <3

The Pilston's said...

The times when we are waiting, screaming, feeling like He isnt listeing make me think of the Footprints poem. Where we see one set of prints, He is carrying us. It is so much easier to believe that is true for you than it is to believe that for myself. Why is that? So right now, I am looking forward to your bright future and learning from your rough weekend. As always, thanks! Love you girl!

Rhoda @ Southern Hospitality said...

HI, Heather in B'ham! So nice to meet you & I see you are a brand new blogger. Welcome! I hope you enjoy it as much as I have.

I'm so sorry with the illness that you have to deal with. Don't give up on finding God. He is there, always, even when we don't feel Him. Please come back & visit me when you need some fun & creativity in your life. I would love to have you stop by!

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