Monday, February 22, 2010

Waiting and Wishing.

"So don't worry about tomorrow. Tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
Matthew 6:34

Good day all.
You know what? Sometimes, well a lot of times, I find that when I sign in to my blog, I become speechless. It is a strange phenomenon. I am such a talker. So much so, that I get on my own nerves from time to time. So, I just start typing what is in my head and sometimes an off-handed topic will spill onto the computer screen.
Kind of like right now.
I am tired today. For no reason in particular; I am just tired. I am actually happy to be lying in my bed and I can't seem to imagine being anywhere else. I just want to curl up and pull the covers over my head and wait until tomorrow to see if anything will happen because today is just an average day.
The weather was gorgeous here this weekend. Absolutely gorgeous. I know if I had drove down to University campus there would have been girls who reached into the back of their closets and pulled out tiny shorts and thin sundresses and if I had seen those girls, I would have made fun of them-I am not going to lie! (It is still February after all.)
I miss driving. I miss the pure and perfect independence that driving brings to me. I absolutely can close my eyes and I see myself bouncing down the front steps, all dressed, with curled hair and my make-up on. I happily look up into the sun and pull my sunglasses down and then check my purse to make sure that I have my cell phone and keys. I go and plop down in my car's front seat and turn the radio on and make my way to Target, Hobby Lobby or SCHOOL!
When I do that for the first time -when I walk down those steps and go turn my car's ignition on-after months of seeing my car out in the driveway, catching leaves and dust from the previous months, I know that I have made it out of dark, once again. I made it through this round of the battle. To drive myself somewhere for the first time is like being 16 all over again. It is exhilarating and freeing. Pure, inhibited joy. No worries or fatigue. No fainting or nausea. No migraines. And despite how much I love my parents, no parents. It is amazing.
To drive my car for the first time, will mean that soon I will return to school and to my social life. I will return to my "normalcy". I can begin joyfully living "part-time" as I call it.
I do not focus on the past or worry about the future. I don't dwell on the things that I have lost over the last months. I make small, single stepped plans for that day and maybe the next. To drive is to be independent and that is a beautiful thing. I can't wait for that day to return and I know it will.


The Pilston's said...

Wish I could hug you right now.

Faith said...

Thanks for the blog comment!! And I see you're from Alabama too!! Yay! You're right, the weather was gorgeous this weekend. Talk to you soon!

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