In Limbo

Limbo.

Derived from the Latin word, Limbus. In Catholic theology it refers to the edge or boundary of Hell.
Yeah, I am in Limbo and it is a really difficult place to be. I don't think I can try and put each level and stage of this crazy disorder on a scale. Is one more difficult than another? I am not sure. I think they are each different and with each one, they bring their own baggage and emotions.

I am in Limbo. Am I feeling better? Can I do more? When is it too much? Do I make plans? Do I wait and see? It is frustrating.

I think I use the term, "It is frustrating", more than any other.

I am feeling better. I know I am and I am so happy. It is slow, yes but it is progress. I am able to be up a little bit more in the house and I talk A LOT more. That is a really good sign. The beginnings of feeling better are difficult. When I am in bed (which is still a lot of the time), my mind is constantly busy now. It is like a carosuel of ideas, thoughts and dreams. It is a busy place up there! It is difficult because now that I am feeling some better, my mind has come alive but my body is several steps behind. No matter how hard I try, my mind and its thoughts and plans will always be a few steps ahead of the rest of me. That is difficult.

I get tired of having to always choose what I want to do and what I should do. Should I go to dinner tonight or run errands the day after? The answer is never easy. Someone or something always gets put up on that shelf for later...and who knows when later might be.

Limbo is hard. Limbo is not fun. But the state of Limbo is progress. So, I hate Limbo but I do love progress!

My Limbo is far from the edges of hell; I am much closer to paradise!