Hurricane Season

Hurricane season begins tomorrow. The seas will roar and the wind will howl. Fear sets in and people go to far extremes to survive.

My hurricane season began two years ago. My Dysautonomia symptoms began to come to the surface once again and they have yet to go away. My life has been tossed and thrown. My dreams damaged and weathered. My heart has been battered and bruised. There have been many, many days that I can't seem to find the sun. Yet, eventually I will glimpse it through the clouds. This hurricane has been bringing me and my family to the brink. I have been waiting for it to pass-but so far, to no avail.

I had a terrible episode two weeks ago. These particular episodes are still a mystery to doctors and I must be honest when I say, they are the most painful and terrifying hours of my life. They last for 2 to 3 hours and they leave me my body physically devastated. I am usually not so dramatic but there are no words to describe what occurs to me during these episodes and how devastating the aftermath is.

I have not been out of bed in two weeks. I am rarely online. I don't watch TV. I can't eat at the table. I can't sit in a recliner and carry on a conversation. I can’t care for myself at this time. I wake up and all I want is for night to come again so that I can go back to sleep and escape this pain, weakness and discomfort.

Despite how difficult this has been and how uncomfortable I am, I truly feel that God is at work. I feel His presence and His calling. I know He is at work. I want to prepare my heart and my soul for His plan. I know He has one. I know this is not vain. He is working on me. I know this with every part of my being.

"When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,

When sorrows like sea billows roll;

Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,

It is well, it is well, with my soul.

It is well, with my soul,

It is well, it is well, with my soul."

-Horatio Spafford

It really is well with my soul.

photo from here

It is well with my soul.

When peace like a river attendeth my way

When sorrows like sea billows roll

What ever my lot you have taught me to say

It is well, it is well with my soul

Though the devil will ruin, though trials may come

Let this blessed assurance control

That Christ has regarded my helpless estate

And He shed His own blood for my soul It is well, with my soul

It is well, it is well with my soul

My sin, oh the bliss of this glorious thought

My sin not in part but the whole

Is nailed to the cross and I bear it no more

Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, oh my soul

It is well, with my soul

It is well, it is well with my soul

It is well with my soul It is well, it is well with my soul

-Horatio Spafford

This is my favorite hymn. I don't think that I ever hear it without tears coming to my eyes. I don't know the plans that God has for me. I don't know what tomorrow (or the next second for that matter) hold. But He does. I know that I am in His care.

So, although I grieve my losses and cry out to him. My anchor is that I am in His will. I am in the palm of His hand. I once read that being in the palm of God's hand is no easy task.

So my prayer to my Father is that he washes my soul through and through with Him and His love and grace. I pray He reminds me and my soul that I am His and we are weathering this storm together.

Although, I hate my illness and hate what it has taken from me, deep down my soul is at peace. This is all well with my soul. God has brought that peace to me.