"Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you, wherever you go."
I feel that I must share that I am not strong and I am very much afraid. I question God's presence when I feel alone and lost in this big world. Where is He? Where is the Hope that I so long for? I cannot find Him. I cannot find the sense of this situation. I cannot find peace. My heart seems to cry out, "Oh, Lord God, please, please take this affliction from me. What good can come? Do I need to read my bible more? Do I need to be kinder to others? Do I need to listen more? Oh, Lord God, what must I do for this to go away? What must I do to try and persuade You to take this affliction from me? Are You there? Do you care?"
At this moment this is what my heart cries. As I reach the 10 year mark of my illness. I am overwhelmed and honestly in a state of shock. How is it possible than 10 years has come and gone? I feel that the whole world is moving so fast and my feet are firmly planted in cement and I cannot move. Like a bad dream, I am running and running but I can't reach what I am looking for. What I am looking for is a diploma, a career, a family and home of my own.
But then I think of this verse and realize that I am indeed, NOT alone! Far from it. As a matter of fact, Jesus weeps with me. Because He lived on this earth and knows my pain. He knows affliction and He felt alone and forsaken on the cross.
And so in the process of free association, I begin with the question, "God, where are you?" And He answers, "I am here. I am wherever you go." "But why God? Why me? What good can ever come from this suffering?" And then a verse comes to mind and I am humbled and feel the presence of Jesus in right beside me.
The night before Jesus was arrested and sentenced to death. He prayed. He prayed all night. He prayed so hard to His Faather and He wept because He knew the debt that was to be paid. And He prayed to our Heavenly Father and said,
"Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away, unless I drink it, may Your will be done."
(Matthew 26:42& 26:39, Luke 22:42).
See, Jesus knew that all though He had to endure suffering, God was in control. Jesus knew that, God was with Him wherever He went. So I pray that God reminds me to be strong and to not fear the unknown. Because, wherever I go-whether it is soaring the sky and reaching my dreams or at home and bedridden, confused and hurt-my Lord God is with me. Always.
He is with you too.