Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Think Happy Thoughts

Over the last month, each day has seemed to be a battle of wills. Each day has been hard and quite difficult emotionally and physically. There were several days that I just watched the clock slowly tick through the day and I couldn't wait for the sun to set and soon I could go to sleep and completely escape for the night. I am not going to lie; it has been hard.
There have been days that I have taken to wearing granny sunglasses in the house and even talking was too much exertion. The television stayed turned off and my laptop was hardly on. My world got so small. 
It hurt my heart. I just wanted to be anywhere but here.
And sometimes all I could do to get through the next few moments was to
Think {very} Happy Thoughts!
It was like a moment from Peter Pan. If I thought long enough and hard enough, I drifted away from the terrible moment. I could momentarily be anywhere but where I was.

Call it denial or just pure crazy...it sometimes worked.
  • I thought about the roses that I knew were blooming outside.
  • I remembered a beach trip with friends and climbing over a fence to get into a new subdivision's pool that wasn't open yet.
  • I thought about the beautiful architecture in New Orleans.
  • I went through each first day of school from K-5 and tried to remember what I wore the first day of school. (I did good! I could remember every year but 2!)
  • I remembered the butterflies from my high school crush.
  • I thought about cheer leading and the year that our football team went to the Play Offs.
  • I thought about family vacations to the beach and to Disney World.
I am optimistic person but I am also realistic. I think you can be both. My situation is so hard and so painful but my life is also full of such beautiful, happy moments.
Life is hard. It is really hard, a lot of the time. I firmly believe that we have spectacularly, beautiful moments that may only last a second so that when we face dark times, we have something to hang on to and so we can be reminded of joy that is surely around the corner.

Each day I am trying my best to think happy thoughts!


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