Today.Yesterday.Tomorrow.

 

"Now when Daniel learned that the decree had been published, he went home to his upstairs room where the windows opened toward Jerusalem. Three times a day he got down on his knees and prayed, giving thanks to his God, just as he had done before."

Daniel 6:10

I love this verse. I am not going to say it has been floating around in my mind for awhile but I just kind of stumbled across it and it kind of stuck with me. God is the same-in times of joy and times of deep sorrow. He is the same. It is me-through my situations-that changes. Sometimes, allowing my heart to hardened towards Him because I am angry and hurt. But throughout the bible we are told to give thanks in every circumstance.

I have been struggling so deeply with where I am at in my life. I find myself trying desperately to bargain my way into a new existence. I catch my mind dwelling on past moments of happiness and I can feel my throat close and my eyes burn with tears.

I thanked God for those happy days.
a beach trip to Seaside with Kim and Kristen.
New Orleans visits.
A trip to Pennsylvania.
School.
School.
Driving.
Another beach trip with friends.
School.

Those were beautiful days. Days of splendor. And those days can be haunting at times; ghosts that lurk and taunt me with what I know life could be like. But mostly those days serve as truly joyous reminders of God's overflowing love and His power to make all things new again.

So, during these dark days that seem to mount and take my breath and my sanity, I am trying very hard to remember to give thanks every day. No matter what kind of day it is.

 

Because God is the same today as He was yesterday.

And I hope that I can be like Daniel and get down on my knees and pray, give thanks to my God, just as I did before.

the calm after the storm.

"Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God."
Psalm 42:11

Yes, I have posted a total of 4 times this month! I am on roll! (Please note the sarcastic tone that is behind that comment!) I feel behind on life in general. My to-do list is growing not shrinking and my procrastination is off the charts...blah...blah...blah!

Saturday, our weather was terrible. This is always a bad time of year for the Southeast-weather wise. It rained and stormed something fierce yesterday. It was dark and dreary. Lightening danced all day and the thunder was quick to answer back. But Sunday was beautiful.

It was heavenly. Truly. The was a slight breeze and the birds were singing and the bees, buzzing. The sun was warm and bright and the sky was a crystal, clear shade of blue. The grass was bright green and there was no pollen in sight. It was gorgeous.

The beauty after a storm. It is a beautiful gift from our Maker.

I couldn't help but think how after every storm that has ever shaken my life there is always great beauty and an overwhelming sense of peace that follows.

Every heartache is followed by mending.
Every tear of sadness is quickly out numbered by laughter.
And every memory lost is replaced by joy.

He is the ultimate and contanst healer.

Rescued

"Moreover David said, The LORD, who delivered me from the paw of the lion and from the paw of the bear, He will deliver me from the hand of this Philistine.”

1 Samuel 17:37

I read part of this verse in Streams in the Desert last night. It reminded once again, that the Lord fights for me. Time and time again (the paw of the lion and the paw of the bear) God was there. God is here. He has never forsaken me or forgotten me, despite what I might feel at the moment, my God forgives me and receives me with open arms and is ready to protect me, his daughter. It is pretty overwhelming. A love that is so big, so mighty and pure.

And I truly believe that God has rescued me from a lion and a bear. And he is fighting and rescuing me from this giant Philistine, Dysautonomia. So, right now at this moment, He isn't rescuing me in the sense that I would prefer. A giant swooping arm to come down from the heavens and transform my body NOW is what I want.

But God rescues me in so many others ways. So many ways that continues to overwhelm and humble me.

He rescues me from pity and self-loathing. He rescues me from loneliness and dread. He rescues me from pessimism and narcissism. He rescues me from myself; from my thoughts and fears that I will never be better again. Because after all, He has rescued me before and He will rescue me again.

My God is the same God, whether it is the darkest of nights or the brightest of days.
And He will rescue me.

I have Faith...sometimes

"Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen." Hebrews 11:1

Can my faith move mountains? No. I am afraid that I mine could barely move a pebble. Can my faith be counted on all the time? No, I am most certainly a doubting Thomas at times. I fall short on a daily basis. It scares me and it upsets me. I want to believe that God is always here with me and deep down I know He is but I don't always understand what the heck He is up to? But do any of us? Sick or not, there are times in our lives when God's plan for our lives makes no sense to us and we think that He has surely forgotten us. But God promised He would be with me...forever and although my faith may fail His promises do not!

My faith is lacking but my hope is not. So, that tells me that down in my heart, somewhere, in some little crevice is the flame of faith. God poured out hope to me, the day Jesus died on the cross. The day I accepted the gift of Jesus. the gift of hope came to live inside me too.

When I am afraid that God is mad at me because I lack faith...I remember that I am always hopeful (not by any powers of my own but by Jesus). When I remember that I am hopeful, I know that the gift of faith if alive in me too.

I have faith that one day my loving Father will heal me. I want it to be on this Earth but I know that may not be in his plan. Even so, one day my Father will heal me. One day I will not be faint and I will soar with the Eagles.