My soul is busy-I am not-but my soul is stirring and it won't seem to be still and look toward God. I can only seem to dwell on what is not. There is a lot that isn't what I would like it to be. There is a lot that I wish was better. I am so tired of being in the bed. I am tired of being so dependent on my family. I am tired of feeling frozen in place while the entire world moves around. It is so frustrating. It is so defeating. I want so many things. I want to be in school. I want to drive again. I want to be able to exercise again. I want to play with Holly when she is being so cute and fiesty! I want to go out to the movies or to dinner with friends. I want to take a shower and not be in bed afterwards. I want all those things and I want them NOW!
And in the split second that I am fighting with God, myself, my body and feeling a bit of pity for myself, I am instantly reminded of what all I do have and I am able to do.
I can express myself. I can communicate my feelings almost effortless, whether writing or speaking.
I may not be able to play with Holly but she loves to snuggle. I can lay in bed with her all day and just pet her and love her.
I can bathe myself and take a bath by myself. There have been times when I haven't been able to do that but I am able to do that at the moment.
Even if I don't want to depend on my family, I have a wonderful family who is very dependable. I know whatever I need, whenever I need it, they are here for me.
I suppose it is all about perspective. Prespective and grattitude. I must keep those in my heart right now.