Monday, May 31, 2010

Hurricane Season

Hurricane season begins tomorrow. The seas will roar and the wind will howl. Fear sets in and people go to far extremes to survive.
My hurricane season began two years ago. My Dysautonomia symptoms began to come to the surface once again and they have yet to go away. My life has been tossed and thrown. My dreams damaged and weathered. My heart has been battered and bruised. There have been many, many days that I can't seem to find the sun. Yet, eventually I will glimpse it through the clouds. This hurricane has been bringing me and my family to the brink. I have been waiting for it to pass-but so far, to no avail.

I had a terrible episode two weeks ago. These particular episodes are still a mystery to doctors and I must be honest when I say, they are the most painful and terrifying hours of my life. They last for 2 to 3 hours and they leave me my body physically devastated. I am usually not so dramatic but there are no words to describe what occurs to me during these episodes and how devastating the aftermath is.
I have not been out of bed in two weeks. I am rarely online. I don't watch TV. I can't eat at the table. I can't sit in a recliner and carry on a conversation. I can’t care for myself at this time. I wake up and all I want is for night to come again so that I can go back to sleep and escape this pain, weakness and discomfort.
Despite how difficult this has been and how uncomfortable I am, I truly feel that God is at work. I feel His presence and His calling. I know He is at work. I want to prepare my heart and my soul for His plan. I know He has one. I know this is not vain. He is working on me. I know this with every part of my being.
"When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,

It is well, it is well, with my soul.
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul."

-Horatio Spafford

It really is well with my soul.

photo from here


The Pilston's said...

I knew it had been a while since you had posted. Im so sorry you have had a stormy few weeks. Know that I am praying for you. I pray for you the same thing I pray for myself; Peace that surpasses all understanding. Having lived through hurricanes, they serve an important purpose and everything God created has purpose. When we are in the middle of the storm, that purpose is the hardest to see. Love you!

Kate said...


The fact that you still have hope in the midst of the storm in a testimony to God's strength within you. I still don't understand the full meaning of His strength being made perfect in our weakness and why these seasons of struggle come. But I do know that He is holding you (and me) and that great good will also come out of our suffering...somehow and some way.

Thank you for your honest post...what you are going through sounds awful. What a tough time for you and your family!

I noticed your absence on Polyvore...will also add my prayers to the others on your behalf. You are a brave and plucky soul! Gentle hugs and prayers from California...Kate

Kelly said...

I'm so sorry <3 I hope you get out of this rut soon! Hope to catch up in the near future : )

Faith said...

I noticed you haven't posted in a long time! I hope that you are okay!! Hope to hear from you soon!


Fee-AMore said...

Thinking of you.

kat said...

Hi heather
I have been thinking of you sweetie
you know I understand what you are going through.
I have been through those times for many years and I have come through them to quieter waters.
I want you to never lose hope and to know that there is light even in the dark days.
It doesn't matter that the way you feel isn't understood you can still surrender it to your God, to the part of yourself that when dwelling in his love feels strong and peaceful.
Find that part of yourself in your heart and just BE in it, this helped me alot. Hope you can see my message here soon.
May angels be by your side and help you to keep believing.
Love kat xx

jacx said...

Hello Heather, I have not dropped off the face of the planet! and I've sent you an e-mail. SEnding you all my love, Jac.

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