summer crush

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted

and saves those who are crushed in spirit."

Psalm 34:18

hello friends.

two months? that was my last post? where has time gone? where has the summer gone?

the last few weeks have been difficult, to say the least. each time i feel that i am making progress, something comes along and wipes me off my feet...sometimes, literally!

three weeks ago, i had such a terrible spell that i had to go to the hospital. it was one of the worst ones in 12 years. my sister ( a nurse) could only get a systolic pressure of 50 and only a faint pulse. she said that with a number that low she didn't attempt to get the diastolic. there are about 30-45 minutes that i have hardly any memory of. it was very bad and so very scary for us all.

before my previous spell in may, i was working on a post explaining these "spells" and dysautonomia in general. i haven't been able to finish it yet. you all are so supportive though and take me at my word and encourage me despite my lack of information and explanation.

i have so much i want to share-both good and bad. i have stayed away from blogging because i have been so empty that i could find the strength or energy to share anything.

this particular verse that i included really sums up how i feel. this summer was supposed to be better and it wasn't. i am supposed to be better and i am not. my friends are making important life decisions and i am not apart of them. i feel left behind. i feel alone. i feel crushed. my heart hurts. it is a physical pain-a constant ache for a taste of life.

crushed dreams. crushed hopes. crushed spirit. harsh reality.

it is a bitter pill to swallow.

thank you so much for reaching out to me over the last weeks. your kindness has meant the world. please forgive my neglect. i hope to re-connect soon.