My current school of thought.

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This will pass...right?

I have been making a desperate attempt to rid myself of a horrible bitter seed that has been firmly planted in my chest and seems to be growing by the minute. Seriously. And I do believe that my appointment with my doctor last month added some serious fertilizer to the nasty seed.

I am working through a lot of really ugly feelings right now. 

I just don't know what to think or feel.

Confused. Scared. Angry. Sad. 

Desperation. I think that is a good descriptive word to use right now.

I had an appointment with my specialist on June 9th. I really left feeling defeated. He said that my POTS was as controlled as it could be. I don't really remember much after that. It just went downhill from there. I had a list of things to discuss and I just became so flustered, I didn't even get to the list. I don't know. It just didn't go well.

Mom and I just cried for the next 13 hours as we drove home. So depressing.

Mom and I both got bronchitis from somewhere (and then proceeded to spread it to our entire household!) and we have both been in the bed and so sick for the last two weeks. So that really took the wind out of our sails.

Because I was so sick when we got home, I didn't really deal with my feelings around the doctor's appointment. So last week, when I started feeling a little better from the bronchitis, I cried a lot. And then I cried some more.

I am trying to figure out a battle plan. (I think that is an appropriate name for it.) I am searching out for doctors that treat Chronic Fatigue Syndrome in the area because I have never really sought a doctor that specializes in that. I have an appointment with a Rheumatologist on July 6th and hopefully I can start being treated for the pain from Fibromyalgia. I also want to look into holistic treatments for fatigue.

I had an appointment this past Wednesday with a GI doctor to try and figure what those horrible spells are that I have. And I just want to say that the appointment gave me HOPE back!! I feel like God heard my prayers, even those I said in anger and sent me a wonderful angel last week. I didn't get to meet the doctor but I saw his nurse practitioner.  Seriously, she restored my faith in the medical profession! She listened to me and asked me detailed questions. And when it was over, she took my hand and promised me that she believed me. She told me she knew these "spells" were truly terrible and we were going to work together and find out what they were. Then she asked if she could pray with me!!
She prayed a beautiful prayer. We asked for God's guidance and patience. My Mom and I were in tears. It was so touching.
She said that she wanted to have a meeting with the doctor and that she would contact me at the end of week and she did! She told me that the they were working on a plan. I just felt so encouraged and CARED for.

Well, as it would happen, I had another spell on Saturday. Yeah, not fun at all. I am still recovering from it. We did go to the ER this time. I was able to get some pain medicine and that helped some. We went to the hospital this time because we hoped if they ran any tests, the doctor could get the results easier.

I am very hopeful that we can find out what happens to me when my stomach hurts so badly.
I am also hoping that this Wednesday's appointment with the Rheumatologist goes as well. We will see. Thank you for your cares and concerns over the last couple of months.