just dealing.

I am totally not going to lie. I haven't been posting because I have been afriad of what would come out. I have been like one big steaming kettle...about to erupt at any moment.

Last week, it happened. The eruption, happened. It was not pretty. My poor Mom was on the receiving end of all my pent-up emotions. It was a really bad week. But I should have seen it coming. I can only keep it in for so long.

A visual keeps coming to mind. The incident with Linda Blair and the green pea soup in The Exorcist. Pretty, huh?

I saw my counselor, Kelly today. And even though I am usually on top of my feelings and know why I am coming un-glued...I haven't been lately and Kelly really helped me today get things in order. We made a diagram with pieces of construction paper (sort of like the one below) and ligths went off and bells began dinging. I figured out why I have been having such a difficult time. (I hope to share those reasons in the next couple of days.)

-- by *Heather Thomas on Polyvore.com

Underneath my jealousy and my anger that seems to be running rampant these days, my sadness is always there. My sadness is under everything. The tears could come at any moment. My sadness is a giant, dark hole that seems to be getting bigger and blacker. It is a giant cesspool that has been collecting every moment that I have missed and every dream that I have let go of.

I am sad. So sad and I am trying to hold on to the future calm and peace that I KNOW will come one day soon.

 

I keep thinking about one of my favorite quotes from Corrie ten Boom.

 

"No pit is so deep that HE is not deeper still."

Quick note from bed.

Happy New Year sweet friends! I hope you each had a wonderfully blessed Christmas and New Year. I miss blogging and visiting you all very much.

Christmas was nice and calm at our home. Thank you all for your Christmas cards! I was overwhelmed! I hope you all got mine! I had some from Singapore, Canada, Scotland, England, Serbia and many more places! It was exciting!

Holly is adjusting very well! I can’t wait to tell you all more about this precious girl! (She is now 2 lbs.) She has matured quite a bit in 3 weeks and is doing well with housebreaking so far. Of course, we are trying really hard to not give her a chance to have an accident. (When I say "we", I mean, my parents and sister! ha!)

I became very sick on Christmas night and I have been in the bed pretty much all day, everyday, since the 25th. It was terribly disappointing. I haven’t been able to take care of Holly like I had hoped and my family has stepped up to the plate beautifully.

 

Me in the bed and in the dark. Am I sight or what?! Ick!

I have so much to share with you all. I keep making notes of things I want to post. So, be ready for a couple of Christmas photos in a few days!

Ending this on a happy note. Here is Miss Holly Joy!

“…joy runs deeper than despair!"

-Corrie ten Boom

We can all overcome with Him.

Hello Blogger Friends.

May I just take this moment to thank you. Thank you for browsing, stopping and reading my blog. Thank you for commenting, thinking about me and praying for me. Thank for messages that I have been sent through Facebook, Polyvore, and email. You each bless me in a way that I cannot explain. Thank you.

Those are my evening medicines...my downers. Just kidding...sort of! My body doesn't really know when it is supposed to wake up and start each day and when it is supposed to wind down and stop at night. So, I have to take medicines to try and replace those natural mechanics. But there is nothing like the real thing and my body knows it. I wish it would let me cheat every once in a while.

I have not blogged in the past couple of days because I have felt pretty bad. Fall and winter months are a bad time for me and it seems this season is not going to a walk in the park! :/

I am sad to today but if you read my previous post you know why. I am also sad because so may wonderful people I know have private pain and suffering. My suffering maybe have an usual name, Dsyautonomia but my suffering is not different or unique. We all feel loss, regret, fear and hopelessness. We all suffer. That is what makes us one big family and more importantly allows us to empathize and help those we love.

My favorite book in the entire world is The Hiding Place. It was written by Corrie ten Boom. A Christian woman whose entire family perished during the Holocaust after sheltering Jewish families. This amazing woman, after all she endured, went all over the world to share the love of Jesus. My favorite quote in the whole entire world came from her:

"There is no pit so deep that Jesus is not deeper still."