an answer in the dark

Last week, I shared how alone I felt. How far away God felt. Mostly, I think I felt alone because I don't understand why God hasn't answered my desperate pleas for healing. I found myself saying, Well if God really is there and He really does love me, then He will heal me.

I knew that really wasn't true but that it what kept coming up in my prayers and in my heart. I felt betrayed somehow. I felt like God didn't care.

But fortunately, I was very, very wrong.

God heard my cries of confusion and loneliness and He spoke to me in a mighty way. 

The same day that I posted my deep feelings of pain, my daily devotional focused on verses Matthew 7:9-11 & Luke 11:11-13. 

If my earthly parents give me what I ask then how much more will my Heavenly Father give to me when I ask?

The final paragraph said this:

Would you be willing to stop pounding on heaven's door, to stop begging for God to give you what you believe is best and to open your hands to receive the good gifts your heavenly Father wants to give you?

In that moment, I just had to stop and praise God. My heart was pounding and my eyes had filled with the tears. He had heard me and now he was answering me!

For whatever reason, God is saying not right now to me. Right now is not the time for college, or a relationship or a family. Right now is not the time for a complete healing.
Right now is the time for me to seek the good gifts of God-whatever they may be and remember every day that His gifts are far better than I can ever know.

Now, I would love to say that this revelation of simple Godly wisdom would keep fears at bay and that my heart will always be content with God's plan but I know it isn't that simple for me. There will be times (more than I would like to admit to) that I know I will once again question God and his love for me.

But now, I have this moment. This moment of open communication between a Father and daughter and I can remind myself of how I felt in that precious moment and hopefully my heart will remember the peace of God's love too.

To know that God heard my cries for help and to know that He answered me is pretty overwhelming. I am just in awe of his power and of his love. I am in awe of His faithful love and unending compassion.

Because he loves me, says the Lord, I will rescue him. I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will cry out for me and I will answer him. I will be with him in trouble. I will deliver him and honor him. 

Psalm 91:14-15

days of hope

I have so many praises to share with you all. They are all so wonderful!

First, my sweet friend Rachel is having a baby! I am so, so happy for her. Rachel and I haven't seen one another in quite a while but I have known her since we were teeny babies. She is so sweet and kind. I know she will be a wonderful mother. Here is photo of Rachel and her husband Keith.

photo courtesy of The Pilston Papers.

Do you remember this urgent prayer request a few weeks ago? Well, the FDA reconsidered their decision and they ARE NOT taking the medication ProAmatine off the market! This was such wonderful news to hear! I am so happy for all of my fellow Dysautonomia friends who take this.

And yes, I am receiving my IV fluids each week. Yesterday was my 5th week. (And that is why I am online today!) I usually get about 1 to 1 1/2 days where I feel a little better. And that for me is a BIG miracle! I am online...who knew that would be a milestone! But I take what I can get!!

And finally, my biggest and happiest news...

2 weeks ago, I was able to get dressed and get out of this house for the first time in over a month!!! I was so, so happy! I was in bed for days after but I didn't care. The fluids that I had received on Thursday allowed me to feel like kicking up my heels the next day! It was magic! See for yourself!

We went and had visited my sister at work and we had lunch with her. I don't really like this picture of me (it is far from flattering!) but it will have to do! ha!

Thank you for your prayers and support. And if I need to reply to an email, I promise that I will!

Therefore, I will allure her,
and bring her into the wilderness,

and speak tenderly to her.

And there I will give her her vineyards

and make the Valley  a door of hope.

And there she shall answer as in the days of her youth,
\as at the time when she came out of the land of Egypt.

Hosea 2:14-15

an answer to my waiting.

A mighty answered prayer needs to be shared!!!

This prayer request has been answered! It is something that my family and I have prayed and hoped for, for 10 years now. Last Thursday, it was answered!

The new doctor in Atlanta has written orders for me to receive IV fluids several times a month. IV fluids have proven to be very helpful for me over the years but most doctors (and I not sure why!) do not want to prescribe this method of treatment. Because I do not respond well to medications, the fluids will help build blood volume, thus increasing blood pressure and help me feel a little better.

The IV fluids work fast and their effects are not drastic but I am less symptomatic when I receive fluids and I am generally more physically comfortable.  The effects of the fluids do not last very long, though. I will most likely get a 1 to 2 day reprieve from my most uncomfortable symptoms, like dizziness, faintness, headaches and nausea. Although, the fluids are not a cure-all, lets face it, a little bit of a good thing is better than nothing at all!

Needless to say, I am so happy and I can't wait to begin this new treatment.

Thank you for your diligent prayers my sweet friends. Praise God for His mercy and goodness.

When I was waiting quietly for the Lord, His heart was turned to me, and He gave ear to my cry.

 Psalm 40:1