Monday, February 21, 2011

an answer in the dark

Last week, I shared how alone I felt. How far away God felt. Mostly, I think I felt alone because I don't understand why God hasn't answered my desperate pleas for healing. I found myself saying, Well if God really is there and He really does love me, then He will heal me.
I knew that really wasn't true but that it what kept coming up in my prayers and in my heart. I felt betrayed somehow. I felt like God didn't care.

But fortunately, I was very, very wrong.

God heard my cries of confusion and loneliness and He spoke to me in a mighty way. 
The same day that I posted my deep feelings of pain, my daily devotional focused on verses Matthew 7:9-11 & Luke 11:11-13. 
If my earthly parents give me what I ask then how much more will my Heavenly Father give to me when I ask?
The final paragraph said this:
Would you be willing to stop pounding on heaven's door, to stop begging for God to give you what you believe is best and to open your hands to receive the good gifts your heavenly Father wants to give you?

In that moment, I just had to stop and praise God. My heart was pounding and my eyes had filled with the tears. He had heard me and now he was answering me!
For whatever reason, God is saying not right now to me. Right now is not the time for college, or a relationship or a family. Right now is not the time for a complete healing.
Right now is the time for me to seek the good gifts of God-whatever they may be and remember every day that His gifts are far better than I can ever know.

Now, I would love to say that this revelation of simple Godly wisdom would keep fears at bay and that my heart will always be content with God's plan but I know it isn't that simple for me. There will be times (more than I would like to admit to) that I know I will once again question God and his love for me.

But now, I have this moment. This moment of open communication between a Father and daughter and I can remind myself of how I felt in that precious moment and hopefully my heart will remember the peace of God's love too.

To know that God heard my cries for help and to know that He answered me is pretty overwhelming. I am just in awe of his power and of his love. I am in awe of His faithful love and unending compassion.

Because he loves me, says the Lord, I will rescue him. I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will cry out for me and I will answer him. I will be with him in trouble. I will deliver him and honor him. 
Psalm 91:14-15



Erin said...

Wow, I don't even know what to say. This spoke to me so much.

Kelli said...

blessings to your dear friend. what a gift of mercy. i love how Jesus embraces us and when we cry out to him we see him. I wish it were easy to see him in the easy times....wouldn't life be so much better? LOL But I think when we see him in the pain, not only are we transformed but all those around us. thank you for your honesty and realness. <3

The Pilston's said...

Thank yo so much for sharing!

Faith said...

Thanks for sharing this. I needed to hear this at the moment.

quietspirit said...

Sometimes we have to trust Him to know the right time and place for what He plans for us.

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